This is the transcript of The Masked Elf's report, for those of you who like to cheat. You can still download the actual audio thing here.
Kiwi Stew, Anyone?
In the past month there has been an increase in the number of Kiwis being seen around Furcadia, for no apparent reason other than Felorin using them as a way to brainwash us in to buying more useless stuff. Many Furres have been concerned that the feeble minded flightless birds may attempt to take over Furcadia, much like the giant ants and their giant sandwiches. However, one Furre has stepped up to stop the invasion.
As usual, that furre is Cinder Bear.
Cinder Bear and her Blue Mason henchmen have devised a clever plan to stop the kiwis in their tracks! They have already begun assembling a giant pot in Cinder's dream The Haven to cook all the kiwis in. She has been hiding away in her lair deep beneath Dragons Eye Productions. Here she has been perfecting her recipe on poor unsuspecting Kiwis lured in to her lair by her promises of giant Talzhemir-shaped digiredoos.
Obviously, Cinder Bear has lost her marbles. Who would want to harm these cute, innocent, precious little things? Haven't you EVER seen the video on FurreTube? I mean, what could be sweeter!? Not much, that's for sure.
Led by their leader, Invidia, the kiwis have devised a clever plan to stop Cinder Bear in her tracks. When asked about this plan, several kiwis poked their heads out of the stew. There was a moment of complete, awkward silence. Then one Kiwi announced his victory.
"I peed.."
So beware, young Kiwis! Even though you're going to die soon anyway since you're going to expire, do not fall for Cinder Bear's tricks. Do not, whatever she says, jump into that pot. There is no Great Sea Adventure with a Salty Seaman named Captain Betty awaiting you in that pot!!!
The Muskrat would like to take this time to remember those Kiwis who were stupid enough to fall into Cinder Bear's pot of evil stew. To those who weren't, hooray! You were smarter than the average Bear!!!!!
An artist's depiction of the mayhem.