The Muskrat: News From The Bowels Of Furcadia

BOMBERFURRE EXPOSED!
Dream revealed to be a den of drugs, disease, murder, mayhem

ALLEGRIA ISLAND — Heroin needles and charred bodies litter the ground. The acrid stench of burning fur fills the air. The few survivors, driven insane by the atrocities they have committed in order to survive, scurry around, searching desperately for illegal stimulants and narcotics. This is Bomberfurre.

An exclusive report conducted by our undercover investigator "Nell Norracho" revealed the true nature of Bomberfurre.

Bomberfurre, located to the Southeast of the Main Hall in Allegria Island, is a sadistic "game" where fighters are pitted against each other, fighting with dangerous bombs that frequently cause third-degree burns or death.

Two furres ablaze, to the victor's delight.

The violent nature of the game has breeded evil minds intent only on surviving the games. "I hate everything that is good in the world," cackled Bomberfurre fanatic Stan W. Wiveslapyr as he waited until the last moment to join the Bomberfurre game, thereby preventing those in line behind him from playing. Poor sportsmanship for those who lose is also common. "OMG CHEATER" shouted obsessive Bomberfurre player Wirvyl Satanspew after she was blown to shreds. "I LAGGD" yelled another. "HOLY PHLOGISTON I'M ON FIRE," wisely observed one furre as he was engulfed in flames.

And in a dream where death is always one misplaced bomb away, many furres have taken to illegal stimulants and narcotics to give a competitive edge over their rivals. The drugs have quickly enslaved them into crushing addiction. Furres passed out with syringes in their arms are becoming as common as the charred corpses that litter the dream. Truly, Bomberfurre is a dangerous place.

Guardians steer clear of the area. Beekins speak of Bomberfurre in frightened whispers, and even unbeaten Roman gladiator Talzhemir refuses to enter the dream. Will order ever be restored in Bomberfurre? Guardian emperor Cironir replied, "Are there mature adults in FurN?"

Poetry Corner

Oh, you thought we were done with bad poems, did you? Well, you were WRONG!

Summer

Furcadian summer

is almost over

And I still haven't found out

If I won any of the contests

Why, Emerald Flame?

Why do you torture me so?

Alts for sale

The following alts are for sale for souls. Preferably fresh, innocent souls not yet tainted by the horrors of FurN.

Last and Least

Tahzemlir

Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn

Pontius Pilates, Crucifier of Fitness

Tentaclio, the anthropomorphic squid*

* very popular in FurN

actually, as shown by this picture, the ghouls only want Pocky.

This picture was taken by Kiyi, just as the ghoul spotted her. She was then hypnotized into a deep sleep, never to wake up again until she is kissed by a handsome prince, or a beautiful lesbian princess.

Hypnotic ghouls attack Furcadia

In recent weeks, huge groups of furres, once very much awake and complaining about their boredom, have been found unconscious. To explain this phenomenomenon, theories had abounded. One theory suggested that they were all bitten by a radioactive spider and would turn into an unstoppable army of Spidermen. Another theory opines that they all fell down and didn't feel like getting up. These theories, while strong, did not completely answer the question.

But recently there have been sightings of strange yellow phantoms, also known as "ghouls," "ghosts," or "freaky yellow

guys that have no hands or feet." It was soon realized that the ghouls were causing the mass unconsciousnesses, as they're being called for some dumb reason.

An eyewitness, who wished to remain anonymous due to his stupid accent, reported on a recent ghoul attack. "Arr. From the hills they came, thar evil spirits descended upon me village. I hid in me water closet ter wait out thar invasion. They seemed ter like me Pocky™. Rrr."

Fortunately, a photograph of one of the ghouls was taken by photojournalist Kiyichichiyichi, seconds before she fell under its evil spell, but whatever. All we care about is the picture. It will make us rich somehow.

Cironir bans Felorin

Felorin, the co-creator of Furcadia, has been banned from Furcadia by Cironir, the upholder of its laws. According to Cironir, Felorin has long been on the list of "trouble furres" who are most likely to disobey rules. This shows that anyone, including Felorin Himself, is subject to Cironir's random whims, also known as The Law.

However, Felorin is not upset about his punishment. "I'm confident that Cironir is doing the best job he can," he told us, but added, "Still, I didn't think he'd get so upset about me calling him a dirty fascist snugglepuff."

The ban has been set to end in three months, which translates to "whenever Cironir feels like unbanning him."

Damadar is expected to take control of Furcadia while Felorin is banned.

Guardianman comics end

Yeah, that's it. No more Adventures of Guardianman. A weird place to cut it off, you say? I think you need to keep your big mouth shut, gentle reader!

Anyway, after 12 wonderful episodes featuring the lovable Owsla, that one girl

who yells a lot, and the baby that eventually becomes Guardianman in the last episode*, the cartoonist suddenly exploded in a fiery ball of laundry. He will be missed, maybe.

* Spoiler warning: you should probably read the comic before you read this.

We couldn't continue the series because there were no more original 1939 Superman comics to plagiarize left :(